Sometimes we punish ourselves for hiding under the covers because we think it makes us a victim. We dig, throw the broken pieces in a hole, and pat soil with a pressure as convincingly powerful as our energy after hitting snooze for five more minutes. The truth is, we can't ignore the resilience that a full night's rest offers.

Last year, I tried power napping. Through the gym, landing a new job, rearranging my bookcase - that time I bought a juicer. I said being in a toxic relationship was enough time to be unhappy, and that finally leaving was the remedy. But exiting is just walking out with wounds. If you don't slow down and unpack, you'll take that shit with you through to the next door.

Time forced me to see those years for what they were. To abandon the fear of seeing myself. To be gentle. To be truthful. To be ugly. To delay the thought of dating because only the weak dismiss healing to hide in another person. And it is through this that I'm recognizing who I am and abandoning old beliefs.

I didn’t have resolutions or ‘new me’ declarations. The intention was to continue changing how I practice love on others, open myself to receiving the love of friends and family, and to live for myself. Some of these conversations came in the form of closure and rude awakenings. They warmed my heart or made me mad as hell. But each moment defined the moment I recognized myself or changed something necessary to be the healthier version of me. It also reminded me that healing never meant you were broken to begin with.

I'm really glad I know you.
You remind me of the person I strive to be, like a mirror and a light simultaneously.
It's beautiful spirits like yours that remind me to keep spreading love.
You're too helpful.
How are you? No, how are you?
You are loved by me.
Don't only see things from one perspective.
I prayed that you'd eventually outgrow her.
When are you making more mac and cheese?
You can have your moment. But I promise you’ll have the last laugh.
I look at it this way, you were in four countries last year.
I never have to question your intentions or if you're being genuine.
You have grown into such an inspirational young woman and spread magic with everything you touch.
You're too sensitive.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
Seeing you today let me know how great you're doing.
Your writing is intricate and careful and beautiful.
Get over it.
I respect you.
You are comfortable being you.
It's not a loss if it wasn't what you wanted.
I wasn't supposed to be your friend. I was supposed to be your mother. My job was to make sure you didn't grow up to repeat the same mistakes that not only me or your mother did, but generations of girls before you.
You’re upset with stupid people.
If you kick and scream about everything, you'll be kicking and screaming all of your life.
I knew I was hurting you.
You are self contained and self sufficient, yet still a necessary presence.
You’re my strong friend and sometimes I feel guilty for not checking in on you and making sure that you’re okay too ... I forget to do the same for those who are always being strong for me.
You beat the odds.

There's an exercise I did at the request of my mother - “pour a glass of wine, sit on the couch and trace the beginning of your relationship to its end, remember who they were before you, who they became because of you, and who they are today.”

“Then I want you to pat yourself on the back. You won.”